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Early Acoustic Collection (2015​-​2019)

by Sedative Beauty

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1.
Sinking And I Can't Swim 02:24
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They always say that things will get better So why does pain still hurt You were always a fucking liar I swear I knew I was not the first Though I needed your love To quench this ever aching thirst You took it all and you threw it all away The pain that I had I felt when you said Those damn dreaded three words You said “I hate you” and Let me tell you that it really fucking hurt I knew that you would leave But I never thought it'd be that quick But you took my heart and you beat it with a brick I do not know where to go anymore So I lay here waiting patiently on the shore For the water to cover me And take my breath away There is a fire burning in my chest It has been burning brighter Since the day that you left There is a pain I feel I wish that you would see That there's a help wanted sign Hanging from my arteries I rarely ever even get out of bed Because when I see you I really wish that I was dead All I ever wanted was a friend And you lied to me and said You'd love me until the end You took all the pieces from my heart That made up me And now living is just so hard You let me fall into a pit And now I’m stuck for good I do not know where to go anymore So I lay here waiting patiently on the shore For the water to cover me And take my breath away There is a fire burning in my chest It has been burning brighter Since the day that you left There is a pain I feel I wish that you would see That there's a help wanted sign Hanging from my arteries There is a flood in my lungs Every part of me is sinking I’m drowning in a pool Of the depressing things I’m thinking I'm sinking and I can't swim
2.
Here With Me 05:20
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Feels like I'm floating through existence I don't really have control Tell me to let go of the distance That we've sadly kind of grown Feels like the veins that meet my head With the pulsing of my heart Are exploding with emotions, making me just fall apart I need you here today I wanna see you be okay I wanna watch you as you show the world That you have truly grown But I'm waking up With or without you And I hope that you're watching Cause I really need you here And I'm waking up With or without you But I hope that you are watching Cause I really need you here And I broke down this morning Felt the pull of madness in my heart And I've been quitting smoking But I want to feel that shit hit hard I wanna go back to the moments With the jokes and all the laughs I hope you see me now and watch me As I hope you just come back I wanna die But I wanna live for you So I will try To go on as much as I can But I wanna die But I wanna live for you I know you would love that So I'll just do my best But I'm waking up With or without you And I hope that you're watching Cause I really need you here with me But I'm waking up With or without you But I hope that you are watching Cause I really need you here Here with me Here with me Stay here with me Here with me Here with me Stay here with me But I'm waking up Without you Yeah I'm waking up And you're not here with me I'm waking up Without you Yeah I'm waking up And you're not here with me anymore
3.
Dear Rebecca 01:58
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Why do I still hurt Been a year and I still cant touch the surface I don't know where I've been going For the past few years Why do I still cry Been a hell of a ride since you disappeared I eat the poison Hoping it makes my memories fade away I'm broken for sure I've been letting out my anger on this brick wall Make my knuckles bleed I deserve to bleed, I deserve it oh I deserve to cry After crushing your lonely bloody heart I've been paying for my sins In my bed with a blade and nicotine Why do I still hurt Been a year and I still cant touch the surface I don't know where I've been going For the past few years Why do I still cry Been a hell of a ride since you disappeared I eat the poison Hoping it makes my memories fade away Dear Rebecca Are you waiting on the other end Are you gonna call my name Or let me jump up off the edge Dear Rebecca You left your pink socks on my floor Every time I open my door I realize I can't see you anymore
4.
My Best Friend 02:11
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When I feel I want to die at any time of day You talk to me assure me that everything's okay You’re my best friend and I hope that you stay in my life For without you I would want to meet my chest with a knife If you ever need my help you know you can always ask For my friend I would do anything if that is the task I swear I’ll never leave your side I swear that I will never die For as long as I have you there’s no reason for me to fly I know it’s kind of weird for me to write you this song But I just want you to know that I will love you for so long You’re the friend that gives me hope And the friend I don’t deserve but you stay with me anyways, why? I’m not so sure Sometimes I think it’s best if I only run away But then you talk to me and convince me to stay You take the knife from my hands and tell me that I’m wrong You let me believe there’s purpose so I write this song You’re the friend that gives me hope, the friend I don’t deserve For without you I’d be sad and lonely in this cold world You let me believe my sad thoughts are always wrong So now I sit alone in my room and write this song I thought I was alone until the day you talked to me So now I sit here and we both laugh happily why do you cry? for you’re still young because the thought of losing you is a thought that isn’t fun You let me believe my sad thoughts are always wrong So now I sit alone in my room and write this song I thought I was alone until the day you talked to me So now I sit here and we both laugh happily why do you cry? for you’re still young because the thought of losing you is a thought that isn’t fun
5.
Phobias 02:34
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I am a flower stuck in a pot I don’t want water, no I want to rot I want to feel pain and agony Jump off a bridge and smile happily These urges they will never leave As long as I’m left alive to grieve I want to be dug into the ground Where I can’t make a single sound I am scared to be afraid Scared of promises we’ve made Because what if they end up breaking Just like I’ll end suffocating This is not a suicide note More so a mourning letter Because I know that without me Your life would be so much better There is a lump of emotions Clogging up my brain When I want to feel happy All I ever feel is pain I am lost and so terrified Why can’t someone clarify My purpose in this broken world Full of broken boys and broken girls This world is polluted by lies that are told In a fashion of truth and their meanings don’t hold In a world where we’re born with the purpose of dying I don’t understand the point in relying On other people who have their own problems Especially when there’s no way for you to solve them There’s smiles and laughs but there’ll always be tears Which is why the thought of living causes me so much fear I am scared to be afraid Scared of promises we’ve made Because what if they end up breaking Just like I’ll end suffocating This is not a suicide note More so a mourning letter Because I know that without me Your life would be so much better
6.
It Was Paradise 04:42
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Light another cigarette I guess I'll take the fall Used to love to lay in bed But I don't wanna be home at all I remember when we used to talk You used to say you wanna die And now under the circumstances You never lied You never lied You never lied You never lied You never lied You never lied You never lied You never lied You never lied Take me back to when we used to smoke under the bridge And you'd tell me that you love me And I could tell you really did It was a good old time in old Bynum Walking around didn't give a shit And now I sit alone wishing we talked After the last time we did Last time we did Last time we did Last time we did Last time we did Last time we did Last time we did So when I feel alone I will think of you And the times we used to smoke And the day we tripped on acid And even though we were pretty sad I think it's safe to say Compare to now It was paradise It was paradise So now I'll light another cigarette I guess I'll take the fall Used to love to lay in bed But I don't wanna be home at all I remember when we used to talk You used to say you wanna die And now under the circumstances You never lied You never Take me back to when we used to smoke under the bridge And you'd tell me that you love me And I could tell you really did It was a good old time in old Bynum Walking around didn't give a shit And now I sit alone wishing we talked After the last time we did Last time we did Last time we did Last time we did Last time we did Last time we did Last time we did
7.
Let's All Just Go And Smoke 02:22
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Let us wear our clothes Let us live our own way The way you used to live It's just not doing right Let us be our own For only we can grow No point in feeling hatred We just do with what we know Let's all just go and smoke Pass it to your brother Pass it to your sister And Feel yourself let go If only for an hour Or even for a minute We don't have to hear your input Let's all go ahead and smoke Don't make us feel below For trying to make the best Of a bad situation that was put atop our heads Our generation, divided and afraid For at any age There's a fear of Getting blown to bits Adults and even kids Scared of our own kind Scared of our own minds Maybe we will find A way to take it back Or at least make it better But for now Let's all just go and smoke Pass it to your brother Pass it to your sister And feel yourself let go If only for an hour Or even for a minute We don't have to hear your input Let's all just go ahead and smoke
8.
Panic Attack Thoughts 01:36
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I have a lot of nightmares but I rarely ever sleep And when I dream of you the memories they cut so deep Why did you have to leave this world and leave me all alone You were an unhappy girl, I loved you from skin to bone When you took your life away you took mine with it My old scars are now wounds and now I’m in need of stitches We used to watch the walking dead now I’ve become a walking dead I lay alone inside this bed and now you will not leave my head I am so tired of all of this hurt Tie me up with some wire throw me into the dirt Lay me breathless in this deep dark hole And take my life but please just leave my soul Now I beat myself up over something I couldn’t stop I’ll get closer to the edge until my body finally drops I’m scared of meeting new people because there’s a chance that they Will be like you and give up on me and only run away I was a sad boy, when I saw you I wasn’t scared But now that you’re gone I no longer feel aware All this time I can’t believe I ever thought that you cared So now I lay in bed and think about the memories we shared I have a lot of nightmares but I rarely ever sleep, and when I dream of you the memories they cut so fucking deep I want sleep I want happiness please no more fucking pain Just take your sharp rotten teeth and bite into my veins
9.
Parents 02:03
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You raised me to do my best, and to not be depressed So I wear these clothes tainted with lies that I’ve said Thank you for all that you’ve done, I swear it was all in good fun I swear I write this music cause you guys are the only ones That I want to impress while my mind is compressed in these depressing emotions that I keep so suppressed I know I don’t talk much though you raised me all my life I’m so sorry but sometimes my anxiety spikes And I want to be alone in my room full of silence While I wonder what your life would be if I were dying. I love you guys to death though I’ll hate myself till death But you raised me to do my best, so I will keep it all suppressed So I sit with my guitar at my desk that we built And I cry and the strings they are soaked with my guilt I lie to you and say I don’t know why I have attacks When it’s my want for dying please I just only want that Please forgive me as a son, for I’m the only one that walks this slow walk while I only want to run. I know I don’t talk much though you raised me all my life I’m so sorry but sometimes my anxiety spikes So I sit with my guitar at this desk that we built And I cry and the strings they are soaked with my guilt. I want to run home, where you all wait for me I want to say goodbye to the people I call family. I want to end it quick, but there is no way I can Because I don’t even know the reason why I ran So I sit with my guitar at the desk that we built And I cry and the strings they are soaked with my guilt I know I don’t talk much though you raised me all my life I’m so sorry but my anxiety seems to have spiked.
10.
Wow You're So Cool 01:57
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Bet your friends are like wow you're so cool Where's your ex? I hated that dude He was so annoying I bet you'd agree with them too And I think that I'm losing my mind Turn off your phone, and I'll turn off mine, We will wait up till the morning knowing we were Bluffing but we're both too scared to talk Now you're drunk out on the porch You wanna stand up but we both know that you'd pass out So you lay there early morning While I'm mourning all the times I spent with you All the time we spent thinkin where would we be at 22 So you looked up at my face With a calm look while the tears begin to race I just stood there waiting patiently to have my heart ripped out Now you're drunk out on the porch You wanna stand up but we both know that you'd pass out So you lay there early morning while I'm mourning all the times I spent with you All the time we spent thinkin where would we be at 22
11.
Sunny Day Into Rain 01:17
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Everyday is just another day where I sit down and self deprecate I don't know what to say When you show up unknowingly I just try to stay away You cause the sunny to turn into rain To turn into rain Everyday is just another day where I sit down and self deprecate I don't know what to say When you show up unknowingly I just try to stay away You cause the sunny to turn into rain To turn into rain
12.
This Great Beauty 03:30
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This girl she was lonely and by coincidence so was I And to this damn day I still do not know why She gave me conversation while I gave her admiration I know I’m bad at showing emotions but I swear you give me joy I was afraid though you made me feel safe There was a long time of my life where I thought I was a disgrace These emotions that I’m feeling they feel so great It is just so appealing and I don’t know what to ever say I’m self conscience and insecure but when you’re with me I feel cured There’s no phrases that could explain how much you make me feel secure There was a void inside my chest but now you’re here and it’s bright I was lost in a state of gloom and now I’ve found the light You are the hole in my roof of clouds that lets the sun shine through I could be around millions of people but still only notice you So I write these sad songs about how much I care You have this great beauty that puts me in awe as I stare You were once a lonely girl and I was once a lonely boy I know I’m bad at showing emotions but I swear you give me joy Sometimes I cry myself to sleep and hope that you will be in my dreams But I end having a nightmare in which you just leave There was nobody else that was ever on my mind But you and the never-ending fear that you would decline When I asked you the question that would soon change my life And now I’m with the girl I wanna grow with until I die You are the hole in my roof of clouds that lets the sun shine through I could be around millions of people but still only notice you So I write these sad songs about how much I care You have this great beauty that puts me in awe as I stare
13.
Remorse 02:17
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is there anyway at all I could see your face again I've been missing those bright blue eyes Is there anyway at all I could feel your touch again I've been missing the flowers and light blue skies It's all just grey It's all just grey It's all just dark and gloomy and I don't like it this way I miss you Oh I miss you Oh I miss you so fucking much Is there anyway at all We can walk through shore again I've been missing that blonde hair and quite cute smile Is there anyway at all We can sing and laugh again I've been missing that voice for the longest while I've been broken and sore I've been laying on the shore I've been crushed by the door Slamming behind your back And I know that your smile had always been forced But it's not my fault, no it's not my fault, but I'm sorry Is there anyway at all We can cry and yell again Have another argument Like we used to Could you slap me in the face Tell me how stupid I've been Could you let me know that I have fucked up again I have ruined it all, you knew you should have left the last time the last time
14.
Without The Sun 03:08
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Without the sun This cold dark world It would die Even with the sun We've turned this world so cold and dark And it'll die Around the world People are trying to grow But still we'll die Around the world Seeds are planted as far as we know But we'll die I swear That I will see you soon my friend Someday I'll die Turn off the lights And pretend I'm alright There is pain In the bags under my eyes And it never subsides But I swear I'll see you soon my friend Someday I'll die Yeah I swear I'll see you soon my friend And someday I'll die Because without the sun This cold dark world It would die

about

This is where it all started. This is a collection of songs recorded between 2015 and 2019, before Giant Bird was ever even an idea and before I had any idea how to play guitar, record, or mix. It was just me, my guitar, my shitty laptop and an okay mic. When I was 15 I got really into writing poetry after an English assignment where we had to write poems. "Sinking and I Can't Swim" was the first poem I ever wrote during my free time, which then ended up being my first ever song. At the time I was really into the emo scene, so I took a lot of influence from those bands lyrically by writing about all the things I hated about life and all the things that were causing me to feel depressed. I only knew like four or five chords so I focused more on writing my lyrics than the instrumentals, which ended up with my most "raw" and simple songs ever. That being said, some of these songs were made as recent as 2019, and those are much more well mixed and recorded since I'd had more practice by that point.

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released December 15, 2022

Recorded In My Bedroom

All Credits: Fidel Alejandro Vasquez

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Giant Bird North Carolina

Fidel Vasquez, a.k.a Giant Bird, is an independent solo artist based in Siler CIty, North Carolina..

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